Your Wildest Dreams

Once there was a little girl who:

  • wanted nothing more than to be a happy and famous film star
  • wanted to make her daddy so proud of her that she never had to worry about disappointing him (when she was imperfect)
  • wished that she could figure out a way to make her mother happy because she could see how sad she really was underneath her flamboyant demeanor (hmm sounds a bit familiar)
  • put her all into everything because she was brought up to believe she could be anything she dreamed of being, and was fully capable of being the best at everything she decided to be the best at
  • started to realize she was different than her friends because people didn’t seem to really understand her inner world; they only saw the outer perfection
  • started to see her success as a curse because the more she achieved, the more negative attention, judgment, bullying, threats, abuse, and isolation she experienced
  • wished on every shooting star that she would grow up to be happy, healthy, and still achieve all her wildest dreams without having to feel any more pain or loss or hurt ever again

Life may not be a fairy tale, but it is so full of possibility and splendor when we learn how to take agency in our lives and live with intention. Stop hiding, stop pretending, stop trying.

—Let yourself fail

—Let yourself cry

—Let yourself let go

Have you ever stopped and taken a look back at that little girl or boy you used to be and asked them, “Is there anything you still need?”

Because you can make it happen! All you have to do is be honest with yourself and do what makes you happy. Not what other people expect. Happiness isn’t perfection or success, it’s connection to your personal truth.

This life is about your journey, and when you’re on the right and healthy path for YOU, good things happen. Take heed of the signs, and know that all the hurdles and discomforts and agony along the way were put there to bring you to this current juncture.

Because it’s a choice. Choose to be happy. Choose to give yourself what YOU need, every chance you get.

The right people will linger. Some will return pleasantly realigned, some depart. Don’t focus on the losses.

Keep going, you’re doing great! Just remember what your wildest dreams were made of. . .


Today started with some heavy training on gender violence prevention — to be honest I got pretty agitated. Not because the content was new or sensitive or any of the disclosures were triggering, but because I didn’t feel heard or understood.

When I get like that it’s important for me to take a break, go for a walk, grab something to drink or eat, feel the sunshine on my face, and remember that even if I’m assessing the situation accurately, it doesn’t really matter if they understand me or hear me or validate me or reject me.

What matters is my own knowing about my core beliefs and experiences and the faith I have in my convictions based on the lessons and knowledge I’ve learned along the way.

It’s not necessary to get others to agree with you, what’s important is to stay open while you finesse your growth through leveraging all conflict as opportunities.

Hone your ability to be resilient and self regulating in all friction. Don’t fray. Your power lies in self regulation once you determine it’s not useful to push. Instead, know when to retreat. Know when less is more.

Remind yourself: change doesn’t have to happen all at once, but in increments.

Often it is the most meaningful change that gradually emerges layer by layer; as I witness my own growth in balancing intensity with gentleness.

With this in mind I ended my day determined to absorb the sunset, welcomed the full moonrise, enjoyed a relaxing meditation bath, and put myself to bed early.

Tomorrow will be another chance to add a layer!


Tonight marked the 6th year of my therapy group for adult survivors of sexual trauma. I don’t know if I can put into words how remarkable I feel these women are and how absolutely honored I am that they have chosen me to support them through their recovery from sexual trauma.

The theme for tonight was growth because no matter what shape or direction it comes in, growth moves us, shifts us, and takes us to a place we haven’t been before. It’s not always a welcome change at first. Once you embrace the discomfort and fear by way of resources of courage and hope, change becomes motivation to get out of the place that imprisons you in pain and torment – stagnancy and defensiveness – even disconnection and numbness, which can often go disguised and rewarded. Behind that facade of aloofness you may feel agonizing loneliness or neglect.

I’ve had nine ladies and one man come through this group. The man didn’t stay, but he was welcomed. Three ladies have left island, five remain. Voluntarily and with fervent enthusiasm for the stability and connection it brings to them through the acknowledgement of similar pain, they remain. This isn’t just an intervention program, this is LIFE the way you must survive it once you have had a trauma such as this. It’s not something you can ever forget or remove from the cells of your body. That’s not to say you can’t heal, grow, or prosper. However, groups like this are what can make the difference between drowning or safely finding shore.

This isn’t the end, but it is a huge milestone. We can’t be sure what will happen next, but I have 100% faith that no matter what, these women will be okay.

Although you don’t know who these women are and they may be faceless to you — remember they exist. They are here in our community where you least expect them. They are successful, they are pretty, they are athletic, they are smart, they are everywhere and they wear masks.

The masks they wear don’t tell the true story, it’s what’s on the inside that haunts those struggling with emotional distress and the echoes of trauma.

Empowerment happens when they decide to risk it and remove the mask – letting the inside out. They are not just empowered, they are STARS!

*we apologize, but balloons were harmed in this group therapy activity!